In case you’ve damaged issues off with a narcissist, you most likely know what occurs whenever you don’t reply to a narcissist textual content.
They may even double down on the poisonous habits simply to punish you for breaking free.
They’ll use texting (and different means) to both provoke you or draw you again in every time attainable.
So, it pays to know what to look out for and easy methods to reply.
After studying this publish, you’ll additionally know when to not.
Is It Price Replying to a Narcissist?
No matter position they nonetheless play in your life, you’re beneath no obligation to let the narcissist drag you into one pointless, agonizing argument after one other.
Typically, the most effective response is none in any respect.
- Once they criticize one thing about you or one thing you’ve executed;
- Once they use a passive-aggressive dig to get a response from you;
- Once they attempt to love-bomb you again into the connection.
That final one is very pernicious. It’s straightforward sufficient to disregard petty barbs and important feedback. It’s one other to metal your self in opposition to the narcissist’s makes an attempt at rekindling one thing with you—particularly if a part of you continue to yearns for the great instances you had.
We get it. Perhaps, at their greatest, the narcissist was the human incarnation of erotic love and romance. They knew what buttons to push. It’s tempting to allow them to have their means with you at times.
Besides now, the price of letting them have their means. And your freedom is value extra to you than a second’s bliss.
That stated, in some conditions, a number of alternative phrases will do you extra good than silence:
- Once they disregard your request to do one thing to your (shared) youngsters;
- Once they attempt to guilt you into doing one thing that’s not in your greatest pursuits;
- Once they textual content you in any respect hours and want a (transient) reminder of your waking hours.
If blocking them isn’t an possibility (e.g., you share custody or parenting time along with your youngsters), you may nonetheless make it extra rewarding for the narcissist to respect your boundaries — and fewer rewarding to violate them.
Tips on how to Reply to a Narcissist Textual content: 11 of the Finest Comebacks
So, what’s one of the simplest ways to reply to a narcissist textual content message? By now, you’ve obtained some sense of their patterns, and you should utilize that to your benefit. Use the ideas described under to information you. And make a remark of those you discover most useful.
1. Determine their motive for texting you.
The extra conscious you’re of the narcissist’s motives for texting you, the better it’s to know whether or not and easy methods to reply.
Get clear on why they’re texting you and what they’re after earlier than deciding if you wish to textual content them again. Use what you’ve realized out of your time with them.
What are their normal techniques to get your consideration? What do they usually need from you? And what has labored for them prior to now?
2. Decide whether or not to answer in any respect.
It’s not at all times smart to answer to a narcissist textual content message.
Usually sufficient, responding does extra hurt than good—even in the event you handle to maintain your cool and deflect their petty arrows. It nonetheless drags you right into a psychological house that’s exhausting and contributes nothing to your well-being or anybody else’s.
At any time when attainable, go away the narcissist to their very own poisonous musings. You’ve obtained higher makes use of to your time, vitality, and headspace.
3. Once they’re in search of a combat, don’t interact.
The narcissist might attempt to attract you into an argument utilizing petty criticism, passive-aggressive digs, or blatant insults. Resist the pull.
Except it’s essential reply, ignore their makes an attempt to get your hackles up.
Lock these hackles down. The narcissist isn’t value it. And they’ll do no matter it takes to win an argument or, on the very least, drag you down into their private hellscape. As a result of how dare you’ve got a superb day until they’re those answerable for it?
4. When vital, reply—don’t react.
The narcissist will undoubtedly keep in mind what’s labored prior to now to get a response from you. And typically, silence solely provides gas to the fireplace. Or it emboldens them to do worse.
So, if it’s essential reply to their provocative texts, hold it easy and to the purpose. Don’t react in the way in which they (clearly) count on you to.
Preserve your calm, and allow them to know you’re not the straightforward mark they nonetheless assume you’re.
5. When attainable, stick to “sure” or “no” solutions.
Preserve your reply quick, clear, and concise. Get to the purpose rapidly, and don’t let the narcissist drag you down any tangents that don’t have any bearing in your reply.
At any time when attainable, give a easy “sure” or “no” reply and go away it at that. Resist the urge to elaborate or launch right into a tangent of your personal.
That brings us to the subsequent tip.
6. Resist the urge to clarify all the pieces.
No means no. You don’t need to justify each sure or no reply. And also you acquire nothing by attempting to make them perceive.
If the narcissist calls for a proof, and they’d solely use it to choose aside or dismiss your reasoning, calmly decline. You’ve given your reply, and whereas they might need a proof, they don’t want one.
Whenever you let go of your want to clarify your self, they’ve one much less lever to drag.
7. Don’t be fooled by the love bombs.
If love-bombing has labored prior to now, the narcissist might attempt it once more to see if they will get what they need from you—or if they will get you again beneath their management.
If they struggle luring you right into a shared recollection of your greatest instances collectively, calmly resist.
It helps to recollect the moments that led to the break-up and the narcissistic traits which might be nonetheless very a lot behind their habits towards you.
8. Set and implement agency boundaries.
Except there’s an emergency, your ex has no enterprise texting you throughout your sleeping hours or whenever you’re at work and anticipating a immediate response.
Granted, when youngsters are concerned, and also you’re navigating shared custody or visitation rights, there shall be some scheduling changes on either side.
But when your ex is anticipating you to do most (or all) of the adjusting, it’s time to make your boundaries and expectations clearer.
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9. Use the leverage you’ve got.
Merely asking your ex to choose up considered one of your youngsters or meet you for one thing it’s a must to do collectively may not get the gratifying response you’re hoping for.
If your youngster enjoys their time along with your ex, use that. Let the narcissist know the way a lot your youngster appears ahead to seeing them. Perhaps you’re not eager in your ex’s firm, however the youngster who loves you each definitely is.
And that could be simply what the narcissist needs (and even wants) to listen to.
10. Keep optimistic or impartial.
We’re not saying it is best to at all times be optimistic or spin all the pieces into sunshine and rainbows. That’s not real looking, and also you’ll simply find yourself annoying everybody, together with your self.
When positivity feels inauthentic or compelled, neutrality is the best choice.
It’s higher to evaluate a state of affairs with “It’s what it’s” than to drive your self to discover a silver lining when there isn’t one. Typically, the most effective you are able to do is acknowledge the reality of the state of affairs and describe it in impartial language.
11. Preserve your feelings shut.
I do know it may be brutally troublesome to stuff all these feelings into a bit of field and reply to your ex as in the event you’ve flipped a change and really feel nothing. It’s one thing we regularly want we might do round individuals who damage us. The much less you’re feeling, the much less they will damage you.
However whenever you’re texting (quite than speaking face-to-face), it’s not less than simpler to maintain emotion out of your response. Use that to your benefit.
Now that you know the way to reply to a narcissist textual content message, what suggestions stood out for you? Your state of affairs is exclusive, so some factors usually tend to resonate than others.
Nonetheless, you’re not alone in what you’re going by way of or the hoops it’s a must to soar to maintain your sanity and to guard any youngsters you would possibly share along with your narcissist ex.
What is going to you do in a different way immediately?